Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
