the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
