Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
