Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
