as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
