I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
