if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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