I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
