my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
