I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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