I hope mine doesn't look like that
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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