I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize