All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize