I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
