ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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