Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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