He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
