So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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