he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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