The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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