You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
