He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
