I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
