Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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