i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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