when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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