I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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