That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
