and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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