I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he quoted the bible to break up with me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
