Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
