dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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