AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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