So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
