why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
