Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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