Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
