It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
