blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This baby is an asshole
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
