They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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