Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
