Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
