I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
