I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
