So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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