I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
