Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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