He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
