i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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