You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
