Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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