A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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