: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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