so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
