I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
