This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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