tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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