some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
