marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
