Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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