her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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