I think I died a long time ago.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well you can't waste a boner
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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