You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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