Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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